Unpassionate relationship problems

How to get your guy to be more passionate - PattiKnows | Patti Stanger

And, if you think it can, you probably have the most unpassionate robot-sex of many socio-political issues that factor into all relationships. I've had long-term, live-in relationships with two of them - and I was content with the a great therapist who specialized in lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) issues. It was pleasant and safe but unpassionate. On the outside, it looks like your relationship is alive and well. Why Christmas is a Very British Problem: Your guide to the festive season's.

We continue to live together, but we have separate rooms and have had a sexless marriage for over two years.

Are you living in a Zombie Marriage?

We have tried marriage counselling. At times it feels like we are making progress, but two or three years ago there was a sense of resignation perhaps from both of us and it has been no sex, no counselling, no real effort to rejuvenate the relationship — just a focus on making the household work and co-parenting our much-loved boys.

There is now no intimacy. Perhaps I could have made a more consistent effort to be affectionate and caring and open, but we were stuck in a cycle; she would be critical of so much of what I did and the criticisms would make me withdrawn.

Counselling was some small help for a while, but I think all those efforts are exhausted.

Are you living in a Zombie Marriage?

Neither of us are suggesting that we go back. The effort now is to have a workable non-sexual, non-intimate, functioning relationship where the boys can grow up loved and secure.

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Anonymous, 36, Australia My partner and I have been together for eight years. We last had sex four and a half years ago. My early efforts to initiate sex were unsuccessful; if anything, they made things worse, as I invariably felt rejected. If I voice my unhappiness she becomes upset and feels guilty, so I try not to mention it.

I have suggested relationship counselling, but my partner does not believe it will help — she insists the problem is with her self-esteem and body image, not our relationship. She has a number of long-standing medical issues and is reluctant to seek advice regarding her lack of interest in sex.

We love each other and want to be together, but from time to time I feel lonely and undesirable, despite her assurances that she still finds me attractive. I suspect my frustration sometimes manifests as irritation or impatience in response to unrelated, relatively minor matters. It depends on the individuals involved. Anonymous, 31, South Africa Last year we had sex six times. This year it was once. So yes, I am in a sexless marriage. Even in the three years before we got married 15 years ago, I realised that we had different sex drives.

I practically had to beg my husband to make love to me on our wedding night. Yet I married him because I love him and so I take responsibility for my decision. Over the years I have begged, cajoled, threatened, shouted, cried and done everything to make him aware of how I feel.

He has done nothing to meet my demands. I am a very sexual person. I need sex like I need food and sleep. He does not — or will not — understand this. He loves me very much. We get on very well. I love him very much. I have never cheated on him. I am sad and angry and disappointed. And I am grateful because some husbands verbally and physically abuse their wives or neglect them and their children. My husband has done none of these, although refraining from sex is abuse in a way.

I will never forgive him for it. I am very aware of sex and sexual people. I have seen men and women look at me in a sexual way. I have never responded. One day if the right person comes along, my children have left home, I might.

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But then I will probably lose my husband. I depend on him for a lot, not just financially but emotionally, too. He makes me feel like a million dollars. Just not in a sexual way.

How to get your guy to be more passionate

I still think he is the cleverest, kindest person I know. It would be difficult to say no if someone I find attractive offered sex. Over the years I went through hell. In fact, premier researcher John Gottman believed that these 'stand in' issues were so commonplace, when asked "What do couples fight about? Learning how to help couples navigate problems that are enduring, without harming each of the individuals' "enduring vulnerabilities," is the work of couples therapy.

First Common Relationship Problem: An inability to manage conflict effectively Allowing conflict to escalate no ability to regulate and slow it down Minimizing or rejecting your partner's feelings as valid or worthy of attention Inability or unwillingness to comprommise Blaming criticism that leads to defensiveness. It is only one of the patterns that cause marital unhappiness. Managing conflict is an overarching, "must have" core skill in intimate relationships.

One of the most common reasons why couples come to us for help with their relationship problems is that they report that their communication has broken down. However, what we sometimes find is that their communication is clear, but the message is toxic. If you can't listen carefully to your partner as if they were someone you loved without criticizing, rejecting or minimizing, you're heading into trouble.

Science based-couples therapy addresses these sorts of relationship problems by helping couples to recognize physiological changes that may indicate flooding. One such physiological change is an elevated heart rate. Another fix is to learn the science-behind time-outs, self-soothing, and curbing rumination.

Read Fights About Nothing for more information on ineffective fighting styles. Second Common Relationship Problem: Starving the marriage emotionally Withholding attention or focusing it elsewhere starves a marriage. Is your marriage being "starved? Maintaining an exclusive focus on work, children, religious life, hobbies, etc. Withholding affection and sexual connection Refusal to engage in serious discussions Few day-to-day interactions that are satisfying or meaningful Placing personal priorities above or in opposition to relationship priorities.

It's hard to raise a family these days. Pressure to raise successful children in an increasingly competitive world heightens parental pre-occupations. Many couples, this hyper-focusing on their children creating a "kid-centric" household. Gradually, overtime, many couples have fewer and fewer things to talk about.